Three Boomer moms on stage, dressed in all black, address the audience directly. Somber, inspirational PSA music plays underneath.

DEB
If you're watching this, someone cares about you.

NANCY
Someone is worried about you.

JANICE
Someone is tired of seeing you struggle.

DEB
We know this is hard to hear.

NANCY
But someone has to say it.

JANICE
I love you, but you're not "emerging talent."

DEB
You're unemployed and pushing 40.

NANCY
You keep telling yourself:

ALL MOMS
"My vertical series is gaining traction."
"One of the Please Don't Destroy guys viewed my story."
"I'm one more $500 improv class away from making Harold."

JANICE
That's how it starts.

DEB
One improv class becomes a weekend clown intensive.

NANCY
Next thing you know, you're spending 6 hours rigging
a 12-inch dildo with a piss tube.

JANICE
Recovery starts with a single step.

DEB
That's why moms across America are urging you:

ALL MOMS
Email Lorne Michaels.

NANCY
We've heard the excuses.

ALL MOMS
"I don't have his email." "That's not how jobs work."
"Getting on SNL isn't even a guaranteed
path to success anymore."

JANICE
Sweetheart. How will Lorne Michaels
know how cute and talented you are if
you don't send him one of your skits?

DEB
Oh wait! I just thought of one!
Why don't you do a skit about your
uncle who drinks too much and does his little rants?

Enter Niv.

NIV
Drunk Uncle? They did that.

NANCY
What about Drunk Aunt?

DEB & JANICE
Now THAT'S comedy! / Okay relatable!

NIV
You don't get it.

DEB
I get it perfectly. I watched the very
first SNL on a black & white TV while high on oregano.

NIV
Fine. I'll email him tomorrow.

ALL MOMS
You'll email him now.

JANICE
Here, use my iPad.

NIV
What's the password?

NANCY
Try "password."

NIV
It's numbers.

JANICE
See, this is what I'm talking about!

Exit Niv.

DEB
If this sounds familiar, we're on our hands
and knees begging you:

ALL MOMS
Email Lorne Michaels.

Phil, Jeannie, Adrian, and Dom enter one by one.

PHIL
The last three writers' rooms I interviewed
for got canceled before they staffed.

ALL MOMS
Email Lorne Michaels.

JEANNIE
The only way to make money in
comedy is to teach comedy. And OnlyFans.

ALL MOMS
Email Lorne Michaels.

ADRIAN
My manager's a realtor now.

ALL MOMS
Email Lorne Michaels.

DOM
I already emailed Lorne Michaels.

Moms gasp.

DEB
Did he reply?

DOM
No.

ALL MOMS
Oh wow / That's weird /
Maybe he forgot his password.

Enter Lorne Michaels with huge tub of popcorn.

ALL MOMS
Oh my god, it's Saturday Night Live's
Lorne Michaels!

LORNE
Hello. I want to hire you.

DOM
Holy shit! The email worked!

LORNE
What's an email?

(beat)

I'm talking about the moms.

ALL MOMS
Okay yeah, that makes sense.

LORNE
The drunk aunt thing. I think there's
something there.

ALL MOMS
I told you! / I knew it!

LORNE
Plus, women over 65 are our
key demo now.

Moms flinch at the age reference.

Dom
Fuck it. I'm becoming a realtor.

VO
This message has been brought to you
by the National Association of Realtors.
When all else fails, you could probably do real estate!

Blackout.